I said NO! (But please don't be mad. I'm sorry...ok?)

People told me that I would become nicer when I became a mom. I hate when people lie to me. Having twins (or as Dreamy Eyes says: "2 freaking babies at the same time!!!") is both the greatest thing on earth, and super annoying... in public. I hate taking them to the store or to an event not because they are a lot to handle, but because EVERYONE wants to tell me about their brother's wife's sister's best friend's twins and worse, wants to touch them. I get the twin questions all the time, and my answers have become snarky when people clearly interrupt something I'm doing:

"Do twins run in your family?!" -"No. They can't even crawl." 

"Do you have twins in your family?" -"Yes. They are right here." 

"Hey! My cousin's friend has twins." -"Hey! Me too!" 

"Are they identical?" -"Yes"-"So are they a boy and a girl?"-"You already have that information from the last question." 

My favorite people to see in public are other moms with double strollers. We just pass each other and exchange a look of exhaustion and "I know, right? Everyone is terrible. My best greeting for you is shared silence." 

But I think I would be a bit more tolerant of these experiences if people would stop thinking that it is okay to touch my children, or anyone, without permission. Over the past few weeks people have mistaken my stroller for a political statement. Oh sunshine, I've been this way long before a rich idiot got caught saying degrading things on a bus. Why? Because consent is important and I have intended to teach my daughters that fact from day one. I intend to teach others that whether you are a granny with 15 grandkids, or the leader of the free world, there are no exceptions to consent. 

When I was making my baby shower registry I asked people to give the girls books instead of cards. I'm sure there are tons of books I will dislike, but I made sure to ask friends not to buy my girls the book called "Too Many Kisses!", which was formally titled "Stop Kissing Me!" in the first edition. I read this book while babysitting (they have wonderful parents, I am not criticizing them at all) and I couldn't finish it out loud. It is a story of a duck and a poodle. The duck keeps kissing the poodle with big, wet, sloppy kisses, and the poodle hates it. The poodle continually tells the duck to cut the shit, but the duck only comes on stronger. When the poodle finally sees that this is a matter too big for her to handle and tells an adult, the adult takes the duck's side and tells the poodle that the duck is just giving kisses to show love, and that the poodle should not only be more accepting, but return the affection. What. The. Actual. Hell?! 

When the girls were born almost two months early I was very cautious about their tiny, fragile immune systems. I did not allow visitors who did not have a whooping cough vaccine. People would say "So if I show up are you going to keep me outside and hold them up in the window?" Yes. Because it's not about what you want, and no means no. How dare you attempt to guilt me into letting you compromise my standards and the health of my children! After about 2 or 3 trips out of the house I realized that EVERYONE wants to touch babies. I get that. I also really like touching tiny hands and kissing little cheeks and I would love to do so to every baby I see. But that doesn't mean I should. Just as most of us like kissing handsome faces and squeezing a well toned, dreamy butt, that doesn't make it okay to go around doing so without asking. I went online to look for some ways to avoid unwanted baby attention. I found some signs for car seats and strollers that say things like "I'm a preemie and your germs are just too big for me. Sorry! Please don't touch". If those signs help protect some babies, great. But seeing this made me all the more frustrated with the world! Sure, my infants can't read those signs, but I refuse to have them provide an excuse and an apology for saying what happens to their bodies! So I made my own signs. They say "Just because I can't say "no" doesn't mean you may touch me, so...ask my grown up." and "RESPECT and age don't differ much. ALWAYS ask before you touch." They still rhyme, I'm not a monster. 

It surprises me how much attention these signs get. Most people read them and go away. A lot of moms love them. Some praise me for making a statement. Some people flat out ignore them, and go so far as to lift up the covers I also have and touch the babies anyway because "they have grandchildren". The cover lifters are the ones I start touching back and telling them "It's ok. I have a gramma" before telling them sometimes several times to stop touching my kid. 

Then there are the people who say that my signs are "a little too much" for a baby. They tell me that my signs make them think of the rape cases going on in this day and age, and how consent gets confusing when people are drunk, or in a relationship, or when one party didn't actually say "no", but just "let it happen". Um, no. No it doesn't. When I tell them that I intend on educating my daughters about their bodies and unwanted touching from the moment they were no longer protected by my also non-consenting, but constantly rubbed belly, I am criticized for taking away the magic and innocence of childhood by teaching them about adult things at such a young age. I agree. That sucks that I am going to have to talk about people putting things in or on or near parts of them that otherwise would only be brought up during potty training. I would MUCH rather spend my time reading about princesses and dinosaurs and making pillow forts without a care in the world. But that's not what I get to do. Also, stop saying things like "in this day and age". Unwanted attention has been going on since the beginning of the human race. It just took us this long to figure out that it's ok to talk about it. 

Well, sort of. 

Coming from a sheltered home school world with no brothers to rape me, and no experience with how boys act, getting into the world of EMS was a huge change for me. I didn't know what was and was not normal. I took my cues on social behavior from all of those around me. In EMS, a lot of responders spend most of their lives at the station, and there is usually someone grabbing the 5 seconds of sleep that they can at any given hour of the day. One station where I worked had what I hope was a unique group of boys. They had this "game" where they would see how many people they could get to touch their testicles. It was not unusual to wake up with a "sleep mask" on your face (use your imaginations). The first time this happened to me I was disgusted and terrified, but no one else in that crowd really seemed to care, and they all thought it was funny, so I figured this was just how people acted in the real world. Plus, the boys doing this could have snapped me in half, so I didn't bring it up and just started sleeping with my face down.  Why wait until now to bring it up? Because I had accepted it as normal and forgotten about it until recently. Because it took this long to dawn on me that "Hey, that wasn't ok, and it's not my fault for sleeping face up that it happened to me". 

I've written before about my date rape experience. I told those close to me about it the day after it happened. I wrote a blog about it. But that was all. I never filed a police report or pressed charges. As we have all seen lately, I am not alone in that course of action at all. People told me that what happened was my fault, because I had originally consented. And people wonder why women don't report their assaults. I'm sure there are many reasons. For me alone the reasons range from not actually knowing it was wrong until years later, to not wanting to report it because I would have to see him again, to fearing for my safety or my job, to just not wanting to deal with it and hoping to forget. 

Women  People are criticized for waiting to come forward about what happened to them until someone else comes forward. They are accused of "jumping on the band wagon" and their motives and stories are questioned. There was another situation from my past that I didn't know was not normal until victims started to come forward. I spoke up and said I knew that such and such was happening, but was told to keep "my thoughts" to myself. It's making me cringe, but I still hesitate to write more on that. More on that in a few years. 

Now I want to ask some serious questions. Have you ever been assaulted? Touched without your consent? Date raped? Spoken to in a fashion that made you feel what was happening was YOUR fault? Pressured into doing more than you wanted? Tickled, hugged, kissed, pinched, or worse by someone you and your family trusted? How long did this continue?

Did you tell anyone? How long did you wait? 

Did you go as high as the police? Court? 

It's a serious read, but I want you to read the story of my beloved friend, Alicia, who wrote her story.

Reporting an assault is a GIANT hassle and many people just make you feel like all they see is a scarlet letter. 

I've asked these questions to many women. The answers given to me have been similar to mine. The only parts of the stories I do not believe are that they are telling me the whole story. We bury so much of this deep down, hoping that it will just go away. But what I have found over and over again is that the age that most of those women at their FIRST assault was 5. 

5 years old. 

So I wonder, when would people suggest I start talking to my daughters about what is right and wrong, and doing the very, very best that I can to keep that avenue of communication constantly open? Is it acceptable to allow them to be touched without and against consent now, just because they can't understand and because people are just trying to show affection? No. It will never be ok for ducks to kiss poodles against their will and it will never be a child's fault for being too cute and irresistible. 

When I play a princess for children's parties there is usually at least one kid who doesn't want to take a picture with me. I appreciate when parents respect their kid's wishes on this. When parents tell their child to go give me a hug or kiss, or try to hand me their protesting child, I won't take part. Parents will say "Sorry, she's shy" and I tell them that makes no difference. I tell them that they never need to apologize, nor give an explanation for why they are saying "no". If someone doesn't want to be touched, I don't touch them (outside of obvious life saving procedures, but those worlds don't normally cross).  I ask them if they would like to fist bump or sing a song, but it's ok if they don't. This often surprises parents. After a while, the child usually warms up and we get a picture, or we get one with the parents, or I photo bomb without touching the child. Children deserve to have their space and bodies respected. 

The sad thing is that I don't think there is a woman reading this who doesn't have her own story of someone taking things too far. You may have kept it quiet for decades. You may keep it quiet forever. I hope you don't. But if and when you decide to tell your story, I hope that people don't make it even worse for you. Being told it was really your fault or questioned as to why you waited "until now" to speak up only makes more women stay quiet and allows behavior like that duck's to continue. 

I used to think one of the most terrifying things that could happen was that I would be assaulted. Then I had daughters. 

I hope that soon we will live in a world where saying "no", or saying nothing leads to, well...nothing. 

Submissive Wife, Feminist Husband

How I'm learning to live without the umbrella

   If anyone spends more than 40 seconds in ATI, they will hear about the infamous "Umbrella of Authority".  For those who need a quick review, it is an example of how the chain of command ought to be carried out in a Christian home. Christ being the ultimate authority, then the husband, then the wife, and the children and menial tasks fall under the wife. Here is a picture from one of the ATI websites, for those of you who enjoy visuals.

    This is the image we all had drilled into our brains from day one. As kids we learned "The Umbrella Song", which I can still sing to you. Obviously we never questioned the umbrella. Not until recently when Dreamy Eyes and I were having yet another discussion about me not needing to ask his permission to buy cookies did he point out just how ridiculous the umbrella diagram is. Why do you need three umbrellas? If there are no holes in the Christ umbrella (which there wouldn't be because His is perfect and without sin, obviously) how is rain falling around the husband umbrella? Then more rain is falling around the wife umbrella, which they sometimes explain to mean that the husband has some holes in his umbrella caused by sin or not being right with God, but usually this is still the fault of the wife. Maybe her umbrella poked holes in his? It's never really clear. But I digress...

   The ultimate compliment a man can receive in ATI is that he has a wonderfully submissive wife and family. The men decide who can befriend their wife, what she wears, how she teaches the children, and even what she eats. Saying a woman is a feminist is actually a pretty strong insult to her. It means that she is defying her husband and Lord, and is for sure on a path to damnation. One of my friends told me a few years ago that I was a feminist and I instinctively apologized for offending her. Getting this cult out of my head takes a LONG time! You never know how many areas they have affected until you stumble upon one. Even though I've been living "in" the world for most of my adult life and my mother knows that women can be anything these days, it still takes a while to stick. 

    I have had the same conversation no fewer than seven times with my mother about Dreamy Eyes', and now MY friend, Alicia. It always goes something like this:

Me: "Remember Alicia?"

Mom: "Joe's friend?"

"Yes"

"The lesbian?"

"No. She's straight."

"The one with the red hair? Who went to school with Joe?"

"Yeah. Her. Not a lesbian."

"Didn't she used to live with Joe?"

"Yes."

"But I thought they never dated."

"They didn't."

"And she's straight??" (It sometimes comes as a shock to more than just myself that some women have the ability to resist his charm)

"Yes. She's not a lesbian, just a strong, independent feminist." 

"Wow. I didn't know those existed. Well, I guess all Kleenex are tissues but not all tissues are Kleenex." 

Alicia now has a boyfriend, but the conversation still takes place. 

     I have a poster hanging in the girls' nursery that says things like "Act like a lady, play dress up, dance in the rain, etc" Dreamy Eyes wants it to say "Act like Alicia, play with Alicia, dance like Alicia." and I agree. No one is perfect, she has had just as many struggles as I have, but she knows how to fight for herself and what she needs, and is a wonderful role model for our daughters. She also writes a blog. It lives here. She inspired me to start mine (no, she will not apologize to you for that).

 I want to raise ladies who can think for themselves, with educations, and independent views. I want to raise ladies who know how to take care of a house, but not for the sole purpose of maintaining their husband's orderly domain. I would teach the same thing to boys if I had them. 

    Looking back to where I was just a few years ago makes me cringe. My mother told me recently that she got a social media friend request from a lady in her church, with whom she thought she was already "friends". The lady told my mother that yes, they were friends before online, but that was the page she shared with her husband. She was allowed to post things to their page, but she said that she ran into trouble when a man commented on an article she posted and she wanted to respond, but she couldn't usurp the man's authority or opinion on the matter, and her husband was too busy to respond for her, so her husband allowed her to make her "very own" social media page where she would only contact women and would be free to have discussions without fear of stepping out from under her umbrella of authority. Needless to say he monitors her page as well. To me, this is absolutely insane. To my mother, it's silly but she understands. The only reason she had her own page for so long was because she hid it from my father. To many in the church, this is completely reasonable. This isn't something that is happening in some third world country. This is "normal", acceptable, oppressive behavior right next door! (Hi, Liz!) 

     I am stuck somewhere in the middle of Alicia and my mom's friend. Maybe stuck is the wrong word. I am happy where I am. I feel like I currently have a nice balance of at home wife and mommy time but I still work and have my own life. But the cult brain still sneaks up on me and makes me feel like a failure. We moved to a new apartment and no longer have a dishwasher. I said that this was frustrating because when I hand wash dishes they are always greasy. I used to wash dishes at my grandmother's house, but she redid them when she thought I wasn't looking. Instead of telling me what an idiot I am, Dreamy Eyes looked up a youtube channel that has all sorts of simple domestic tasks and explains the best ways to do them, and bought me cute rubber gloves and dish cloths. No one ever told me you needed hot water to wash dishes! You can imagine how long I cried over my inability to keep my husband happy if I couldn't give him a tidy place to live! What other wife tasks am I doing incorrectly?! He told me to stop worrying about it, but I still do, so I'm clearly failing at the whole obedience portion. 

     I looked up on ATI's website how to be a good wife. Some of the instructions include: 

"Practice self-control, especially in the area of diet.

God is concerned about the bondage of overeating and gluttony, and many wives struggle with the issue of self-control, especially after giving birth to children. Weight control requires consistent conformity to God’s principles of living.

Let God and your husband know you care about your weight. Ask your husband to help you identify and remove hindrances to weight control, such as unhealthy foods, poor meal schedules, medical problems, or bitterness. Work together to accomplish specific goals. Your efforts to stay healthy and physically fit will bless your husband.

Stay beautiful for your husband.

In addition to nurturing a meek and quiet spirit inwardly, a wife should strive to maintain her outward beauty as well. A wife should dress to please her husband. She should have a joyful countenance and select clothing that draws attention to it. A wife should always be well groomed."

   Now, I am all for looking nice and I like getting dressed up, and when he wears his "I'm a grown-up starter kit" suit. I like when he tells me I look nice today. But the above way of thinking still haunts me. I told him I will cut my calories a bunch after I wean the girls and his response is always "You know I don't care, right?". Same response when I am frantically remorseful for not shaving my legs for two weeks. He had no idea what I was talking about when I was upset that since we have babies who grab everything I have pretty much stopped wearing earrings or necklaces, and my hair is usually up. Not to mention that between my tears and baby kisses there is no point in trying make up. I was lamenting the fact that I have limited options to use to enhance my countenance. He responded with his usual "What??" and I explained that ATI suggests that you use at least seven ways or accessories to enhance your countenance every day. He said that sounds an awful lot like pieces of flair needed in Office Space. Another way to drive the point home that ATI's standards are ridiculous and just made up for the amusement of some silly man. 

Another portion of how to be a good wife tells us: 

"Enjoy the privilege of physical intimacy.

God grants spouses full access to each other’s bodies for sexual gratification. “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other . . .” (I Corinthians 7:3-5; see also Ephesians 5:24 and Colossians 3:17-19). Resistance or indifference to your husband’s need for physical intimacy is the unspoken crushing of his spirit."

We are however told that it is okay to deny our husbands IF we have a doctor's note. ATI teaches nothing of respect for your wife. Teaching men that they own their wife's body should make every parent about to sign up for this home "school" program turn and run. What guy in his right mind is fine with his wife being miserable as long as he gets off? Are there ATI men rushing home to have ambivalent sex at best? Spouse rape is very prevalent in ATI, but it's not, because they just stopped believing that was a thing.  

      My father still takes the umbrella concept very seriously. All wives should answer to their husbands and the husband should not be usurped. Sometimes this works in my advantage. Once married, a woman's father is no longer her authority but moves to "the chain of counsel". In a few days I am going out of State with my parents. I do not allow my father to drive my girls, but he is never the passenger in a vehicle. However, since the girls' and my "authority" said that I need to drive, my father is not allowed to usurp that. So, he got Gotharded. It's like getting lawyered, but without any grasp on reality. 

    It scares me that I am still trying to work all of this out of my brain. The other day my father told me "You're 28. You got married and moved away. Just get over it."
That's not how cults work, and not how being brainwashed works. I worry what I'm subconsciously teaching my girls that is left over from years of ATI madness. I am SO grateful that Dreamy Eyes is such a strong advocate for feminism and I am excited to watch him raise daughters. He has a great balance down of wanting women to be empowered, yet still wanting me to walk on the inside of the sidewalk because it's safer.

I may be out from under the umbrella, but I do enjoy a parasol now and then. 

The consequences of living without fear

The other day when I was at my parents' house I asked my mom to grab some Wisdom Booklets (the ATI curriculum) for me to read while I spend all of my time breastfeeding and pumping. She asked which ones I wanted and I told her that it didn't matter, I would find something terrible in any of them. I have been told several times that now that I have kids I will stop being so critical of how I was raised. False! I am just as, if not more critical now. I need to protect my girls, not shelter them.

It took all of a few seconds of flipping through randomly chosen Wisdom Booklet 25 before I found this example of several "consequences" of not fearing the Lord:

Does this photo outrage you? Yes? Good! Let's be friends! No? Bye, Felicia!

The example shows us a cracked foundation built on the mind of man and evolution. We all know that ATI condemns any and all free thinking man might have, and that any teachings of evolution are of the devil and purely false with absolutely "no proof" that anything happens for any reason other than "Because God made it that way". Let's all sigh a heavy sigh and slowly roll our eyes together while we move past that and focus on the seven pillars of "consequences" happening in our nation due to this worldly foundation of not fearing God.

Abortion-
 Pillar one is a rough one. This is still a hot topic during elections and most people take a strong stance on one side or the other. ATI blames abortions on the fact that evolution is taught in schools and that people dare look at cells as just cells. If you believe in life at conception, do you know what you should do? Not have an abortion. If you believe that life begins at a later point and that it would be unwise or unfair to bring a child into the world when you are a child yourself, or that child would be severely ill with a poor chance of making it, or any other reason, that is YOUR choice. Moving on.

Women's Rights-
Hold. My. Damn. Earrings.
I've learned from working EMS that the one not wearing her earrings is the one who started the fight. This pillar makes me never want to wear earrings around Bill Gothard.
As a kid in ATI this was no big deal, but now seeing it infuriates me. Women in ATI just accept this. Many families weren't allowed to watch Mary Poppins because of the mother's constant efforts towards womens' suffrage. The song "Sister Suffragette" has lyrics such as "Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid" and "No more the meek and mild subservient we! We're fighting for our rights militantly! Never you fear!" That line itself goes against this entire pillar illustration, and it is my favorite line. According to ATI, women are never to have rule over men because their rulings are based on emotion and not on sound, unwaivering judgement. Women are to be under their husband's constant authority and are only allowed rule over their children because children are feeble minded. I remember my father instructing my mother about which candidates to elect and him being reprimanded at the polls for trying to watch my mother vote. She was allowed to vote at least, but never FOR a woman.
But voting only scratches the surface of woman's rights. What about fair wages, maternity leave (which still needs a lot of work in America), birth control (which they see as sin), and equal educations (which they also think are
unnecessary)?!
The fact that women's rights are even being presented as a consequence baffles me. Dreamy eyes mentions often that living with me is like living with his own personal Kimmy Schmidt. So much of that show is meant as a joke, and it's hilarious, but so very true for how I grew up. The scene where Gretchen says "It's like the Reverend says, we're just GARBAGE." and Kimmy responds "We aren't GARBAGE, we're human beings!" is a perfect example of how it feels to talk to woman who are still in the cult. ATI absolutely doesn't encourage women to pursue higher education, and if they do, they have fewer options than men do. I have a friend to whom I want to send a bunch of cards because I think it's amazing to write "Dr and Mr..." on her envelope. ATI would never accept their application. Women are truly seen as inferior to men. One wisdom booklet notes that it is important to remember that Eve was made FROM Adam, and not from the dust, as he was. Had she been made from the dust this would mean woman was equal to man, and with a separate identity. You might as well just keep the earrings.

Situation Ethics-
There was a very large ban on Robin Hood viewing. Many of my friends didn't know who that was. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING in ATI is black and white. There are no gray areas when it comes to morals, ethics, or sin. This is where they would argue that a young girl who was raped by her father and has a pregnancy that is killing her shouldn't be allowed an abortion. More on this in the last pillar. ATI is very set on A+B=C, there are no variables. There are no choose your own adventure books.

Divorce & Remarriage-
Sure, most divorces suck. It's a miserable process, made worse if there are kids and assets, or if only one party wants it to happen. ATI does allow for some divorced parents to remain in ATI, but only if the divorce happened within Biblical limits, such as infidelity, but they would prefer just forgiveness. ATI does not however condone remarriage unless the previous spouse has died. One assignment for explaining divorce and remarriage is to glue together two pieces of cardboard, letting the glue dry, and then tearing the pieces apart. This is to show the damage caused by breaking apart from someone with whom you should have been joined for life. You can later be glued to a new piece of cardboard, but part of you will always remain with the previous piece and your new spouse will never have all of you. This is such crap! The only thing that lingered from my divorce was the irritating process of changing my last name again. I'm not a piece of garbage cardboard. I am currently 100% Mrs Dreamy Eyes, although he probably wouldn't have minded if some parts of me lingered on the old cardboard; I am a lot for one person to handle. I told him that if he ever wants to leave, he can, but I'm never changing my last name again. I have so many friends who are blissfully happy and WAY better off in their second marriages and I doubt any of them would count this as a consequence.

Children's Rights-
Of course this is a consequence. While I believe that children need structure and discipline, that doesn't mean that they don't have rights. We were taught that the shelter, food, and education provided to us was a privilege, not a right. While having a big room, chocolate ice cream, and a master's degree covered is a privilege, basic human needs of survival are not. ATI does not believe in equal education for all children. Girls don't need to learn to repel and boys don't need to sew. ATI does not believe in complying with State standards for education if it can be avoided. For this reason, hundreds of us were not able to attend college until mid to late 20's because we had to catch up.
Being a breastfeeding mom has made me take a strong interest in this topic of children's rights. In the ATI conference guide it states that nursing mothers may breastfeed their children under age 3 only in the nursing mothers room, and even in there, they must use a nursing cover or be dismissed (My mother notes that these guidelines were not followed, but that is what is written). Different States have different laws, but in many it is illegal to ban a breastfeeding mother to a separate room, or even to ask her to cover her baby, because the baby has the right to eat freely. There is a part of me that really wants to go to a conference just so that I can breastfeed there and have them be able to do nothing about it.

Sexual Revolution-
Anything to do with sex is clearly a consequence in ATI. The ONLY thing that is taught is abstinence until marriage and there are dozens of examples of what you are if you aren't only a genital virgin, but also a lip (kissing) virgin. You are anything from a chewed candy bar to a white silk sheet torn and tossed in the mud. I'm pretty sure that after I write this section that my mother will get a call saying "Heather is being slutty on the internet again", but that is rude. It is also rather sexist. A guy can sleep with triple the number of people and not be called a slut, yet heaven forbid a lady has a good time now and then! I'm not saying everyone needs to go a little crazy, but everyone should get to decide that for themselves. Also, the pot can leave a message, the kettle is busy living her life. I think sexual revolution is great. Of course ATI doesn't, it goes along with giving women more freedom to choose if and when they wanted a family. It allows people to love who they want to love, man, woman, doesn't matter. When I was a teenager I was sure that I would only ever sleep with, and kiss one man. I was sure that this would also be true for my husband. I waited until I was 18 and the first guy I kissed promised he would marry me. He didn't. But that's ok! After I got divorced I had a small handful of fun. Aside from the Monster, I have no regrets. I love the movie " Down with Love". I love the concept of being able to separate love and sex, and "having sex the way a man does". Learning to do that feels amazing! It doesn't feel lonely, it feels empowering. Everybody in ATI tells you to " guard your heart". I did. I learned that I value trust over love. It's easier to continue loving someone after they hurt you but you may not trust them. When you find a friend you trust but don't "love" you can figure out all of the things you like without all that lovey, mushiness clouding your mind. I don't plan on hiding or sugar coating things from my girls. If they want to wait until they are married, that's up to them, and I will happily support them, but I wouldn't demand that from them. I want them to learn to be careful and be respected. I don't want them to confuse great sex for intimacy and then be devastated to find out otherwise. Yes, of course the two can go together, and when they do that's the best, but you can absolutely have one independently of the other. I want them to be able to come to us with questions and know that they don't need to be afraid of being judged. Watch this video by John Oliver for what I think is the best sex-ed video out there. Everyone should know that while it's not the end of the world if you "cave" and don't wait until marriage, that it's also ok to say no! Even if you are married! Even if you decided halfway you want to stop, "No" needs to be said and respected! ATI teaches that once married, the wife belongs to the husband and he is free to do anything he pleases, whenever he pleases, and if she says no, she is disobeying God by not submitting to her husband.
It's no surprise at all that ATI is against sexual revolution. With birth control came the chance for more women in the workplace, higher education, and a way to be seen as equal to men by entering a world where they were in charge of their own lives.
We still have a long way to go. Many things are still based on gender. Occupations are still seen as gender based: firemen, mailmen, etc. But it works in reverse as well where people specify if a man is doing a "woman's job": male nurse, male nanny, Mr Mom, etc.
It drives me absolutely mad when I'm at work and people ask where the girls are. I say "Home", and the response is usually "Oh! Dad is babysitting tonight, huh?!" NO! Dad is not babysitting! Dad is home with his daughters, being a parent, just like I do when I'm home with them! Even "normal" people need to adjust their thinking a bit.

Euthanasia/Suicide-

Again, a touchy subject. I agree with the idea of euthanasia/Dr assisted suicide in cases of incurable diseases. I don't believe that doctors should be able to decide to let someone die against their wishes, but for those who have no quality, nor hope of quality of life, let them in sound mind make the choice for themselves to be free from their suffering. You don't have to agree, but I don't see euthanasia in this sense as a consequence. Also, euthanasia and suicide are not the same thing. This ties into situation ethics as well. Suicide in a teenager who is going through a breakup is different than a pain free, assisted death, with family around you, after years of fighting a losing battle.
ATI presents suicide as a problem in the world, which it is, but I don't think the leaders and parents actually know how many of the students seriously considered, and some attempted suicide. ATI lists this as a consequence of not fearing God, but isn't that what all of these families think they are doing? They are so concerned with making the world want to be like them, when really there are just as many, if not more problems in their own homes. At least the world takes suicidal ideation seriously. ATI just tells you those thoughts are sinful and that you need to repent, which only makes you feel more worthless. But I suppose if you are a woman who fights for the rights of her children to be educated about their bodies and thinks that ending a pregnancy in some situations is okay, I suppose worthless is the only ATI acceptable way to feel.