Twelve years ago I watched as all of my friends got ready for their proms. I helped them pick out dresses, stood by at the mall while they tried on different styles that their fathers would hate, and finally find the perfect one. I went to their houses to help them get ready, and giggle about their dates, hoping it wouldn't be awkward going with a guy who wasn't thrilled about going to the prom, but it's a thing that you do. I took pictures of them outside, along with the other proud moms. I was handy to have around for group pictures, since selfie sticks weren't a thing yet. Then I would wave as they drove away for their magical night, and I went back home, understanding how Cinderella felt when she watched the rest of her village go off to a giant ball, and she was commanded to stay home.
Being homeschooled was a big part of not getting to go to a prom, but there were other factors. I could have gone. I was actually asked to 4, but I wasn't allowed to go because of all the sinning there would be.
A giant fear of mine is that I'm going to drive my girls crazy by trying to live my longed for high school experiences through them, and they will end up embarrassed or hating me. I'm absolutely going to chaperone their prom, but I'm going to try my best not to take away any of their joy. I have always felt like I missed so many normal parts of growing up, and not going to prom was a big one for me. I've been told that it's not all it's cracked up to be, that many nights end in tears, that their dates were jerks and they ended up with a group of girls all night. Didn't matter to me. I wanted to go. I wanted the experience everyone else gets to have, and I think I got it, complete with the standard prom photo.
When Dreamy Eyes started school up here, I was talking to one of his classmates and she told me that the school throws a C.O.M. (College Of Medicine) prom every Spring.
I was elated!!! I was FINALLY going to get to go to prom!!! No matter what, I was going.
It took forever to find out when the date would be. I had to find out from one of his classmates because I had assigned her the task of watching for tickets since DE wasn't thrilled about going and was hoping I wouldn't notice. She came through, and he bought tickets.
I work 3.5 hours away from where we live while he's in school. I work all of my shifts in a big chunk, and of course, prom fell on a date right in the middle of my scheduled work chunk. This provoked a tiny amount of panic, but I rearranged my schedule so that I would drive (with the babies) from CT to ME on Friday, go to prom Saturday, and drive back to CT on Sunday to finish my work week. 8 hours of driving for a prom? To me, that's how much I wanted it. That's how much it meant to me to feel normal. That's how much I wanted that dream night. I was going to get myself all of the experiences I longed for.
Another friend of mine who is also a med school wife and brand new mom was also homeschooled, so this would be her first prom as well! We heard that a lot of girls get pregnant after prom. We had to worry about whether or not to pack our breast pumps. I guess prom as an adult is slightly different.
I don't think I can explain how excited I was in the days leading up to prom. I think I told anyone who would listen that I was going, and was going to have the most handsome date there. I got my hair styled on Friday and drove all the way home leaning forward and slept sitting up so that I wouldn't ruin it. I spent all day Saturday altering my dress, (I dropped 12lbs for this) which took hours because my girls are afraid of the sewing machine and it's not the easiest task to measure your own alterations and sew them while nursing 1-2 babies the entire time. But I was determined. I was FINALLY going to prom. I ironed DE's shirt and got his clothes ready, including the socks I laid out for him that got left home. I shaped my nails perfectly and painted them. The babies also wanted their toes done, so while the other girls were getting ready together, I was getting ready with my babies. Babies are really not helpful with hair curling and not putting applesauce on your dress. They spent most of the day crying, but it's only fair, because that's how I will spend all day leading up to their prom.
After lots of chaos, we were ready. The poor babysitter had her hands full, and because we don't have working doorknobs, got to see me naked. I told her I was sorry a lot. This isn't meant to sound cocky, but DE always looks handsome no matter what, and I'm told a lot that I'm so lucky to be with such a good looking guy. It took me a lot of work, but I looked better than I've ever looked before, and I was happy. I finally felt like I could belong on his arm.
12 years ago my friends all went to prom together in a limo. We have a minivan and are too lazy to move the car seats for a carpool.
We went to dinner on our own because our other plans fell through, and then walked awkwardly around the city for a bit because we were really early. We still ended up being the 4th and 5th people there. As we were walking, a few people yelled out of their cars that I looked like a princess. That was much nicer than when I get cat called walking past a cell block at work. It may have embarrassed DE, but it was kind of fun having a bunch of strangers tell me that I looked beautiful. As flattering as that was, I would have traded it to hear that from him. I'll assume that he thought I looked ok.
I would guess that most typical prom features were there, except for the bar. I doubt they have those at most. There was a photo booth, which was fun. DE was the one who suggested we get our pictures taken. I wasn't even going to bother trying to coax him into that, so it was nice that he offered. As you can see, we seem to have forgotten that it was still taking pictures somewhere in the middle.
Once everyone arrived I think the night took on the atmosphere of how proms are portrayed. The girls danced and took pictures together and had a blast while the guys kept an eye on the trays of food.
I was surprised that there were no slow dances. I was looking forward to that, but maybe it's better to have not had the chance than trying to drag a reluctant date around for 3 minutes. Sometimes it's easier to have a romantic moment with a dissected cadaver between us than in a setting that most people would find ideal. I gave up on the idea of being with Prince Charming and realized I got more of the Flynn Ryder type of prince, who sings "I've got dreams like you, no, really! Just much less touchy- feely. They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny, on an island that I own, tanned, and rested, and alone..."
Which seems to be a decent fit as far as dreams go, because all Rapunzel wanted was to see the floating lanterns. Nothing big, just one happy night.
I had been really excited about writing this post about the magical night that I waited over a decade to have. Instead, I ended up having a fun night out with our friends, which was really, really amazing, but not magical. I love the friends I've made here, both his classmates and the "med spouses" who know not to make double date plans during block week. They are incredible.
I didn't have a fairy godmother to drive me 8 hours, lose 12 lbs, sew for 4 hours, do my hair for 2, or hold my babies during any of that so that a prince could fall in love with me. Escaping a cult was something I had to do on my own, just as I can't depend on anyone else for my happiness. It takes work, but it's up to me to make my dreams come true. Homeschool Heather went to prom. It wasn't a dream. It was a check mark.
