Dear Mr Gothard,

      When I was about 10 I had an assignment to write a hymn. I didn't need to write the music, just the lyrics. ATI is big on this. It took me YEARS to figure out that most of the songs I had learned in the Children's Institute (ATI's kid seminar) were parodies. Every time I went to a parade I thought that "The Ten Unchangables" was a largely popular song until I was an adult and found out the bands were playing "Anchors Away", and no one in ATI was as original as I had thought. 

Since my assignment, and being heavily involved with ATI's programs for kids (Children's Institute, Character First!) I have started writing parodies as a natural part of my day. I do it allllll the time. I have posted a few on YouTube about being locked in my room at the cult, and summaries of sermons. My thoughts tend to turn into parodies, which comes in really handy when playing with my twins all day, and entertains Dreamy Eyes quite a lot. 

     After watching the documentary The Cult Next Door , which is about ATI, I was up all night writing a letter in my head to Bill Gothard. He is 83 and I thought it would be cathartic to put something out there before he finally dies (I checked with my therapist, and she said to go for it, but to avoid becoming pen pals who argue).  As I lay awake, mentally penning my letter about all the ways that Bill Gothard had directly hurt me, the more and more it became a song. Finding this ironic that it became a song after this habit was one that ATI started, I decided to embrace it. It took me about one commute (3.5 hour drive) to write, and as you can guess, about 10 minutes to film. I also had to borrow my mother's ATI clothes, because I had thrown away anything that reminded me of how I had to dress back then. 

  

I think the only person on earth who understood the entire thing without explanation is my mother. Facebook decided that the preview of my video should be the first thing that is shown on my page, and that the snip of an image they would show is the part of me holding up a giant knife. Thanks, Facebook, I really didn't need more friends anyway. I promised my fans (read: my cousin) that I would write a blog post so that they could also be in on the jokes. So, here is the breakdown of the lyrics, and the video for those who don't know what I'm talking about.  ➡➡  Dear Mr Gothard ⬅⬅ (Really, click on it, and join the 37 others who have watched it)

Dear Mr Gothard, 

Here's a few things you need to know since you formed a cult, and then you robbed me of my life...

So far, I think it speaks for itself. 

Due to your evil rules, I was homeschooled, 

Everyone in ATI must homeschool according to their standards. 

And let's forget going to college 'cause I'm just a girl. 

Brevity here. You CAN go to college if you don't have a penis, but you can only major in SOME of the studies. Not the ones that require a penis, such as Pastor, or "How to use a tool that isn't a needle and thread".  My sister's graduation presents included a kitchen aid mixer, and books on homemaking and motherhood. 

There's no light in my eye. 

ATI is big on eye light. Bill Gothard and his wizard senses can tell whether or not you still have your V card just by looking into your eyes. Maybe it's me, but they really could have capitalized on this super power. 

Not a submissive wife. 

ATI teaches that you need to submit to your husband NO MATTER WHAT. Unless it is illegal. Then you pray about it first, but usually still submit. Dreamy Eyes is rarely wrong, but being able to say "I don't want to do that" and not being brought before the elders of the church is something that I never thought I would be doing in my married life. Dream bigger, girls. 

There is more to me than my baby factory. 

You guys have seen TLC shows. You know that spilling your seed is a sin. 

He's got that 9 to 5, but honey, so do I, 

Dreamy Eyes works, but my job pays the rent, and takes skills AND pants-wearing. 

So don't expect I'll have the Hebrew Bible memorized. 

Women should be at home, keeping the house spotless, whilst memorizing and meditating on Scriptures all day. The "ATI Bible" is a KJV with Hebrew and Greek study guides, and is Bill Gothard's personal favorite.  People stand in line for hours waiting for him to sign theirs (I stood in the line, but I didn't want him to sign my Bible). 

I read your Wisdom books,

Wisdom Booklets are the curriculum put out by ATI. They are all based on the Bible, and contain educational material on how to be a submissive wife, how to hate sodomites, how to deny climate change, etc. 

but you should take a look, 

Was it worth it all? Yeah, was it worth it all? 

"It Will Be Worth It All", aka "When We See Christ" is the theme song that the Apprenticeship Choir (choir of hundreds of 12-18 year old ATI students) sings at every ATI conference. It is a gigantic deal and everyone cries. After the song, Bill Gothard usually looks at the choir and says "What an awesome, awesome sight." (This comes up later). 

When I hear your name it sounds like clanging hangers. 

A "famous" story from Bill Gothard's Basic seminar is about how a woman complained that her husband left metal hangers on the door knob and they would clang and drive her crazy. It was like the "thorn in the side". Eventually she learned to love her husband more than the clanging hangers, and learned that submissive wives put away the hangers happily and stop giving their husbands shit about things that are their job. 

This did NOT resolve my anger! 

Bill Gothard also has an Anger Resolution Seminar. The portion I held up in the video is called "Understanding Why God Lets Things Happen". 

I'm so sick of blue and white! 

The dress code of ATI. White shirt/ blouse, navy bottoms. All modest, aka potato sacks. 

Dear Mr Gothard, 

Here's a few things you need to know since you formed a cult, and then you robbed me of my life. 

You told the fathers "If you want the hearts of all your daughters, tell them they'll burn in Hell if not pure on the wedding night. 

Fathers are "encouraged" to sign a contract with their daughters that will assure her purity until marriage. 

My father and I signed no such contract. You can see that I'm holding up my wedding photo, 6 months pregnant with the twins. 

And when you've found the man in God's perfect plan, and if he prays enough with YOU to win your daughter's hand... 

The ATI books literally teach that wives are prizes to be won from their fathers. 

What if your choice is wrong? Wait, men are never wrong!" 

How dare I disagree with your authority. 

It would take an illegal act, and a BIG one at that, to convince the population of ATI that what "God told the father" about his choice in suitor for his daughter was wrong. 

You taught the men how to take command of ladies. 

See: Bill Gothard's Umbrella of Authority-

  

Your umbrella makes me crazy. 

Get me out of ATI. 

I'm out, but again, brevity. 

Dear Mr Gothard, 

Here's a few things you need to know since you formed a cult, and then you robbed me of my life. 

You said rock music shouldn't be the kind of stuff I'm choosin', 

That it would allow the Devil to control my mind. 

Come over to my mom's house. She has a few shelves full of videos of Bill Gothard speaking on the evils of rock music. HOURS of this stuff! He preaches often on how a 1-3 beat gives your mind over to Satan.

Zero. Hyperbole. 

Don't need a neck bow to enhance my countenance. 

ATI is BIG on drawing attention to your face and away from your body. Neck bows were a regular part of my wardrobe. Note: This blouse is not ATI approved, as it has pockets that call attention to my tits. I borrowed it from my mother. Clearly my father needs to take better inventory of her closet. 

You locked me in my room in hopes that I would break. 

When I was at the ATI training center in Oklahoma City, I would get "Heart Checks" and get shut in my room with a staff member outside my door to assure I didn't leave until I had made my heart right with God. Eventually my roommate and I just started taking naps and pretended to be super spiritual. 

Then looked at all of us, once all our brains were washed. 

The Apprenticeship Choir: 

"What an awesome sight, an awesome, awesome sight!"

I told you it would come up later. 

You always told me to be an empty vessel. 

Constantly. The goal was to be an empty vessel, ready to be used by God. 

But the thing with empty vessels, is they make the loudest noise. 

This was my passive aggressive attempt at a sick burn. 

Bill Gothard: Bad at picking proverbs for motivation. 

Dear Mr Gothard, 

Here's a few things you need to know since you formed a cult, and then you robbed me of my life. 

You said a stronghold comes from all the lies the Devil has told, 

This is the famous "stronghold" diagram from many of Bill Gothard's seminars. It's pretty much a false thought (from the Devil) that you allow to fester and consume you and eventually ruins more and more areas of your thinking and your life. There is actually something to this, but this is the ATI version, where it's always the Devil's fault. 

But, hey, let's be honest, you're the one who told the lies. 

Which, according to my mother, include "This is NOT a cult". 

See my other posts for more lies. 

Ooooo, Mr Gothard, 

F you, and ATI. 

You can figure this line out on your own. Basically, I know that sometimes my friends with kids watch my stuff, and they will learn how to say "fuck" soon enough, so I don't need to be blamed for that too. 

Dreamy Eyes came home to find this on his bed. He figured I was working through some stuff. He is very supportive of my catharsis, even if sometimes I leave knives on his bed.