Ghosts of Character Sketches Past

I wonder how long it will take before I am no longer haunted by the ghosts of seminars past. It's been 10 years since I've been out of ATI and I'm still having nightmares. Well, to me they are nightmares.

I woke in tears and a panic around 4am from my ever-evolving recurring dream. This time in the dream I found myself in the house where I began my ATI life (not my parents' current house). My father and Dreamy Eyes were sitting together and instructed me to sit, as it was time for Character Review. I should have known then that it was a dream because Dreamy Eyes has not seen my father since probably 2 years before we were married. But I sat down and began to hear a handful of character qualities that I had shown recently. I got high marks in attentiveness, boldness, enthusiasm, and gratefulness.

That's when things took a frightening turn. Having the positive praises out of the way, the two informed me that they had come together to pray about my lack of submission to either of their God-given authorities, and this was about to change. I would be made to go to the church of their choosing, to sit silently in the baggy clothes that had been selected for me. I would not be allowed to decide my own wardrobe until I learned to show reverence. I would have my car taken away until I could show meekness and orderliness (my real car is quite messy). I would not be permitted to wear jewelry until I learned virtue. I could not use my phone until I learned creativity (THAT'S WHAT PINTEREST IS FOR!). I couldn't tell Dreamy Eyes about my day until HE was finished talking about his day until I learned deference.

I think it's pretty telling that this was instilled into us seeing as I can still list them in my sleep, with punishments, 10 years later.

The dream continued and I rebelled against these rules. I walked everywhere... determination. I dressed myself up without jewelry... flexibility. I climbed out the bathroom window when I should have been getting ready for church and went to a protest instead... justice. And eventually I convinced a bunch of other women to stop the submission lies and come with me... persuasiveness.

Again, even in my sleep, I can still fight in character qualities. I guess it's that whole "train up a child" thing hard at work in my subconscious.

By 5:45 I desperately wanted a few minutes of peaceful sleep, so I gently asked Dreamy Eyes if he was going to the 6am cross fit class so that I could have the whole bed. I like to think I was just helping him show endurance.