When Jess "came out", I felt torn. I loved her. She was my best friend, but I didn't believe in what she was doing and I would surely not be able to be her friend anymore. The cult kind of trained me to be an asshole. Jess was made to attend the addictions program the church held as an attempt to rid her of her addiction to women and unnatural lusts of the flesh. Jess went through a few years of life being very rough for her. She and I didn't speak for quite a while during the time that "she was astray". On the night that she came back to church for the first time the pastor preached on what an abomination homosexuality was. Everyone knew that this was Jess' first service back at church and it was obvious that she was singled out. I was heart broken for her. I don't know how she managed to sit silently through the entire thing.
After a while Jess and I started talking again, and she accepted that I was uncomfortable with her new lifestyle because she was raised the same way that I was. People in the church sent her letters every week suggesting different verses to read that would show her how wrong she was. They told her that she wasn't truly "saved" (Baptist for going to Heaven) because there was no way that she could be living an abomination yet know the love of God. Jess is amazing and has given me endless amounts of stories of what has been done to her and how she was outcast and ostracized, but I feel that further detail is for her to tell. It is her story.
A few years later Jess told me that she was getting married. She was marrying Jen. I was completely unsure how to feel about all of this! I knew that her family and the church would never support the marriage, but what was I going to do? For a long time I struggled with how to feel about all of this. I didn't believe in gay marriage...did I? Jess and Jen had a block party to celebrate their nuptials and I did attend. When I got married I asked Jess to be a bridesmaid, but she declined because she didn't want to stand there and support my marriage when I wasn't totally sure how I felt about hers. That's why I love her. She is honest and genuine. Jess and Jen both attended my wedding and watching my father's face when they got up to dance with all the couples was priceless!
I decided that I would take a look at everything and decide for myself how I felt about not only having homosexual friends, but supporting them and being a friend. As if playing a constant word association game, each time I thought of homosexuality, I would think "abomination". So I started there. I looked through verse after verse about what the Bible called abominations. I found that there were dozens of other things that were listed as "abominations" but why did we only ever focus on one? If I was to take everything as literally as the church had been telling me, It appears as if I am guilty of abominations even as I type this! Deut. 22:5 "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God." Oh dear. I am currently wearing my paramedic uniform which is not made for women. It is my size (kind of) but all of my EMS clothes are made for men. Is this something that is going to cause me to lose my spot in Heaven? Prov. 6:16-19 "These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren." Those are all things that we know are "bad", but I have never heard a sermon where the pastor compared lying or being stuck up to being homosexual. The Bible uses the very same word to describe how God feels about these things, but if I brought that up I was told that "it's different". Why is it different? In Isaiah 66:17 it says "They that sanctify themselves, and purify themselves in the gardens behind one tree in the midst, eating swine's flesh, and the abomination, and the mouse, shall be consumed together, saith the LORD." I don't know about you, but I do not consider eating bacon the same as lying. Unless I am asked if there is anymore bacon left. I feel as if I went to Denny's tomorrow and told all of the patrons who ordered bacon that they were surely going to Hell that I would not only be laughed at, but probably arrested.
If you ask my father, he will tell you that bacon no longer counts as an abomination, because that is part of the Old Testament law. So are the Ten Commandments, but bacon is delicious. Why do we get to pick and choose which laws and customs we still follow and which ones we dismiss? Hey, if a woman giving birth on another woman's knee was still a law, I would have two kids already!
My father, and the elders of his church all state that homosexuality is also called out as sin in the New Testament, and therefore stick to it being an abomination. Their go-to passage is Romans 1:26-32 "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them."
Breathe. I know that was a lot of Scripture quoting. Usually when making their point they will stop after verse 28, where it says "to do those things which are not convenient" and leave off the long list of sins that are worthy of death. So...If I am correct, and homosexuality is a sin worthy of death, then shouldn't the disobedient kids be stoned to death instead of put in time-out? I mean, after all, it's New Testament law, Right? I feel like this passage isn't even about homosexuality. There is a very long list of rude actions, but every single sin listed there is something that is a sin against someone. Unless it is not consensual, homosexuality is not a sin that is committed against anyone.
Now, let's take this passage literally for a moment. Warning, I am going to be a bit graphic so stop reading if the title didn't already give you enough warning.
"Women did change the natural use into that which is against nature"...Nature wants the human race to continue. ATI teaches that this should be taken literally and that this has nothing to do with homosexuality, but that sex should only be performed "naturally". Meaning if you can't get her pregnant through that hole, you shouldn't be putting it in there.
"Men with men working that which is unseemly...to do those things which are not convenient." I know how bodies work and I have many friends who are not shy about their love lives. Vaginas naturally make lubricant that is used to ease a penis on it's journey to fertilization town. I hear that the way men do things may require a bit of outsourced lube (yes, heterosexual couples buy lube too, but stay with me here). Women, I think have it slightly more difficult because there are fewer body parts that can mimic that of a man's, so "accessories" can be purchased. Because this is not the natural way that humans are created, for some, it could certainly become not convenient. Other than that, I haven't really found anything that says that Jess is a terrible person destined for Hell.
Since Jess and Jen got married, I have attended several gay and lesbian weddings, and never before have I witnessed such genuine love. These people are so precious to me and I couldn't imagine them being any other way. They are real. They are loving. They understand what it's like not to fit in. They understand that love doesn't always fit in a neat little box-wink. Sometimes I hear people say "They can do what they want behind closed doors, but I don't want to think about it." Alright, does that mean you spend a fair share of your time running possible play-by-plays of your heterosexual friends' bedroom romps? Weirdo.
One of my mother's best friends, John, is gay. He is one of the most caring and protective men I have ever met and some people mistake him for my step-father. A few months ago I was at my boyfriend's apartment cleaning and cooking to surprise him when he got home from a trip. While I was there I realized I had a kidney stone. The pain was awful and I wanted to go home where I had some vicodin left over from my last trigger point injection. I was in so much pain that I couldn't sit. I needed to stay upright or flat. I couldn't drive. I asked my mother to come drive me home, but my car would be left there. My father was home but refused to come drive my car home because I deserved to have kidney stones. This was my punishment for dating someone after I was divorced. John gave up his afternoon and drove me home in my car while my mother followed. This was far above anything that he needed to do for me, but he did it. He made sure I was comfortable and had all I needed before they left. That's what love is. Being a decent human being and not judging someone for what sin you think they are committing. Just freaking love them.
Some argue that homosexuality is wrong because it goes against the natural way to have a family. People who are related by blood yet have no use for each other hardly seem like a family to me. Sure, my friends may have to take a few different steps in order to have a family, but that doesn't mean it isn't real. If a heterosexual couple adopt, aren't they a real family? I might not be able to carry my own child. If my sister grows a baby for me, does that make the child any less mine? I used to have an EMT partner who was a lesbian, and we instantly bonded over the fact that our uteruses were terrible and were both unsure if we could carry a baby. Sexual orientation didn't play a factor. We were just women bonding over the same issues and sharing a mutual struggle. Jess now has an amazing wife whom I also love, and Jen brought two boys into the mix. Now Jess teases me because she has kids and I don't, and she got them post-potty training.
To all of my gay, lesbian, and bi friends, I am so sorry for letting the cult brain wash me into being a jerk for so long. I am so happy that you are who you are and I love you all so much! I will even let you have some of my bacon.
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