When I started writing this blog, I did not think it would get as much attention as it has. I appreciate every single one of you who have read it, and I greatly enjoy hearing your feedback. Some of you have messaged me or approached me with your questions, and as you have noticed, I will withhold nothing. I am thrilled to start a discussion and clarify anything I have made confusing. Some choose alternate routes of responding to my posts, such as harassing my mother, or just blocking me on Facebook. Blocking me is fine, I don't take offense, but I would like to take this time to quell any of the questions and comments I have heard or received.
"Why do you refer to the churches as cults?" - I do not refer to all churches as cults. I choose my words very carefully. The definition of "cult" is: "A relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister." Or "A misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing."
ATI without a doubt fits both of these definitions. The leader of ATI, Bill Gothard is (was) held in very high regard and everyone in ATI based their life choices off of what he said and how he interpreted the Bible. I remember when I was a child, standing in line for hours to meet Mr Gothard and all those around me who wanted him to sign their Bibles. I didn't like the idea of a man signing my Bible. If this book was given to is by God, what right did Mr Gothard have to be putting his name in it? It just always bothered me. My ATI friends thought I was silly for having met Mr Gothard several times and never having him sign my Bible. Now that all his scandals have come to light, I am glad I stuck to my childhood instincts.
The church where my parents attend is less of a cult, but still a cult in my eyes. Their teachings are very legalistic and demeaning. Not allowing women to wear pants because the Bible tells them to appear as a woman is a strange religious belief if you ask me. The definition also notes that they will have practices that are considered sinister. "Sinister: giving the impression that something harmful or evil is happening or will happen." Several of the things that have taken place within that church have been harmful, not only to me personally, but to many others. An example is when I was told that I wasn't having seizures but that I was demon possessed could have been fatal if my mother didn't ignore them and get me medical help. There have been rapes in the church and families berated for going to the police instead of letting God handle it. There have been youth trips where the pastor has transported several firearms across state lines and taught the teens to shoot, without ever advising the parents or getting their permission. I have hours worth of more examples if you would like them, but I stand behind my usage of the word cult.
"What caused you to turn your back on your faith?"- Nowhere have I ever said that I turned my back on my faith. This blog is about my journey out of the cult and into my own life. If anything, writing this blog has gotten me to look at the Bible more than I had before, because I want to see for myself what it has to say. I know many people who have been raised and abused by religion and who have no use for God or faith. That is not me. I have no use for cults or for people who blindly follow what someone has told them with no way to back it up. (See my Halloween post). If you would like to believe something, that's fine, do whatever you want, but know why you are doing it.
I have not attended church in quite a while, but that is not out of bitterness. It is because I have had a difficult time finding a church that is accepting of people and also has an actual Biblical foundation. It's a process. My grandmother stopped attending church when they "asked her to hem their damn curtains" and she has a better grasp on what Christianity is than some of the people I've seen in church every day of their lives.
"Heather is being slutty on the internet again"- This is said to my mom sometimes. Church people define "slutty" as anyone who has any type of contact with the opposite sex outside of marriage, including a full-hug. Yes. I write honest stories about things that have happened to me in my single and dating life. I am not ashamed of my choices. I am not going to Hell because I have not been celibate since my divorce. I know of plenty of "preacher's daughters" who live as I do, I'm just not afraid to talk about it if I can help someone else. Also, slutty is a pretty harsh word. I would appreciate if people would stop saying that to my mom about me. It's a bit rude. Isn't he who is without sin supposed to throw the first stone? I'm bad at catch, but let's play.
"Did you start your blog because you saw Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt?"-No, I had my blog before that show came out, but there are remarkable similarities!
"Why do you refer to the churches as cults?" - I do not refer to all churches as cults. I choose my words very carefully. The definition of "cult" is: "A relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister." Or "A misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing."
ATI without a doubt fits both of these definitions. The leader of ATI, Bill Gothard is (was) held in very high regard and everyone in ATI based their life choices off of what he said and how he interpreted the Bible. I remember when I was a child, standing in line for hours to meet Mr Gothard and all those around me who wanted him to sign their Bibles. I didn't like the idea of a man signing my Bible. If this book was given to is by God, what right did Mr Gothard have to be putting his name in it? It just always bothered me. My ATI friends thought I was silly for having met Mr Gothard several times and never having him sign my Bible. Now that all his scandals have come to light, I am glad I stuck to my childhood instincts.
The church where my parents attend is less of a cult, but still a cult in my eyes. Their teachings are very legalistic and demeaning. Not allowing women to wear pants because the Bible tells them to appear as a woman is a strange religious belief if you ask me. The definition also notes that they will have practices that are considered sinister. "Sinister: giving the impression that something harmful or evil is happening or will happen." Several of the things that have taken place within that church have been harmful, not only to me personally, but to many others. An example is when I was told that I wasn't having seizures but that I was demon possessed could have been fatal if my mother didn't ignore them and get me medical help. There have been rapes in the church and families berated for going to the police instead of letting God handle it. There have been youth trips where the pastor has transported several firearms across state lines and taught the teens to shoot, without ever advising the parents or getting their permission. I have hours worth of more examples if you would like them, but I stand behind my usage of the word cult.
"What caused you to turn your back on your faith?"- Nowhere have I ever said that I turned my back on my faith. This blog is about my journey out of the cult and into my own life. If anything, writing this blog has gotten me to look at the Bible more than I had before, because I want to see for myself what it has to say. I know many people who have been raised and abused by religion and who have no use for God or faith. That is not me. I have no use for cults or for people who blindly follow what someone has told them with no way to back it up. (See my Halloween post). If you would like to believe something, that's fine, do whatever you want, but know why you are doing it.
I have not attended church in quite a while, but that is not out of bitterness. It is because I have had a difficult time finding a church that is accepting of people and also has an actual Biblical foundation. It's a process. My grandmother stopped attending church when they "asked her to hem their damn curtains" and she has a better grasp on what Christianity is than some of the people I've seen in church every day of their lives.
"Heather is being slutty on the internet again"- This is said to my mom sometimes. Church people define "slutty" as anyone who has any type of contact with the opposite sex outside of marriage, including a full-hug. Yes. I write honest stories about things that have happened to me in my single and dating life. I am not ashamed of my choices. I am not going to Hell because I have not been celibate since my divorce. I know of plenty of "preacher's daughters" who live as I do, I'm just not afraid to talk about it if I can help someone else. Also, slutty is a pretty harsh word. I would appreciate if people would stop saying that to my mom about me. It's a bit rude. Isn't he who is without sin supposed to throw the first stone? I'm bad at catch, but let's play.
"Did you start your blog because you saw Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt?"-No, I had my blog before that show came out, but there are remarkable similarities!
"We have been praying for Heather in our prayer group"- Thank you. I truly appreciate those who are genuine and who would like me to be happy and healthy. However, those who generally say this are saying that they are praying that I would find my way back to God and turn from my evil, bitter, church destroying ways. You may stop doing that and find something more productive to do, like support your family. A much more effective way would probably be to speak to me directly, which none of those people have done. Again, my blog has never been about how I turned away from God. It has been how I escaped and overcame abuse and false teachings and got myself a normal life.
"Why don't you put ads in your blog and make some extra money?"- This is something I could do, but does not interest me. I am in no way rich, but I work 4 jobs and I get by. I write this because I truly enjoy it, and I hope that is why you read it. I would not want to bombard you with ads. If you feel that I should be making more money, email me. I will gladly meet up for lunch and accept your donations.
"Not going to read the comments but will interject that I believe in the power of prayer and of the Lord's healing on all things. Whether or not you still believe is up to you. I would also like to add that while I enjoy a fair amount of sarcasm and light hearted humor, I do not appreciate scoffing at people who actually care for you and do indeed pray for you with love and concern. Pleasing the Lord , not 'man' as it were." -This was posted on my Facebook wall in response to a photo I posted. It was of the prayer list at my parents' church saying "Heather Harvey: fainting, diagnosis, grace". My status was "My mother is at church and sent me a picture of the prayer bulletin. My father put me in it, which of course means it is inaccurate. I will translate: Heather Harvey: fainting, diagnosis (we may or may not know that her fainting was caused by catastrophic lady times, but we don't talk about those things. Also, because the seizures were caused by a head injury and not a demon possessing her, we reject this actual information.) Grace (This means she is not currently under a man's authority and enjoys being bitchy to some of our members)" There had been several comments about the intention of the way it was written and I had thanked those who were genuinely praying for me. The pastor had told my mother he was putting me in the bulletin, but when she attempted to give him the correct information, he ignored her. This is what aggravated me. When I attempted to respond to the comment that was made by the church member, I realized that she had unfriended me. I find it immature to state that you are choosing to be on the side of ignorance and not read all that was written (if she had, she probably would have taken a different stance), but instead she decided to extrapolate her own opinions and assumptions, and remove herself from seeing any type of polite explanation. She is the same person who tells my mother she is sorry that I have strayed.
"If you are happy with your choices, why do you cry so much?"-You try having triple the estrogen that your body should have and tell me how easy it is not to cry about a commercial with a neglected pigeon as the main character!
"Why don't you put ads in your blog and make some extra money?"- This is something I could do, but does not interest me. I am in no way rich, but I work 4 jobs and I get by. I write this because I truly enjoy it, and I hope that is why you read it. I would not want to bombard you with ads. If you feel that I should be making more money, email me. I will gladly meet up for lunch and accept your donations.
"Not going to read the comments but will interject that I believe in the power of prayer and of the Lord's healing on all things. Whether or not you still believe is up to you. I would also like to add that while I enjoy a fair amount of sarcasm and light hearted humor, I do not appreciate scoffing at people who actually care for you and do indeed pray for you with love and concern. Pleasing the Lord , not 'man' as it were." -This was posted on my Facebook wall in response to a photo I posted. It was of the prayer list at my parents' church saying "Heather Harvey: fainting, diagnosis, grace". My status was "My mother is at church and sent me a picture of the prayer bulletin. My father put me in it, which of course means it is inaccurate. I will translate: Heather Harvey: fainting, diagnosis (we may or may not know that her fainting was caused by catastrophic lady times, but we don't talk about those things. Also, because the seizures were caused by a head injury and not a demon possessing her, we reject this actual information.) Grace (This means she is not currently under a man's authority and enjoys being bitchy to some of our members)" There had been several comments about the intention of the way it was written and I had thanked those who were genuinely praying for me. The pastor had told my mother he was putting me in the bulletin, but when she attempted to give him the correct information, he ignored her. This is what aggravated me. When I attempted to respond to the comment that was made by the church member, I realized that she had unfriended me. I find it immature to state that you are choosing to be on the side of ignorance and not read all that was written (if she had, she probably would have taken a different stance), but instead she decided to extrapolate her own opinions and assumptions, and remove herself from seeing any type of polite explanation. She is the same person who tells my mother she is sorry that I have strayed.
"If you are happy with your choices, why do you cry so much?"-You try having triple the estrogen that your body should have and tell me how easy it is not to cry about a commercial with a neglected pigeon as the main character!
"Why are you trying to get people to leave the church?"- I'm not. Well, I would like my sister to leave, but other than that, you are adults. Do whatever you want. This blog is not about telling you how to live, it is about how I was tired of living. I have been blamed for one family leaving the church after talking to me. They did leave, but they had been vacillating on that choice for quite a while. After they contacted me and I told them what had happened to me and my family, they decided it was best for the safety of their children if they did not return.
Last week I met with a woman who had recently joined the church with her family. She had read what I wrote about my mom and had questions for me about why I left. I did not discourage her from attending, but I answered her questions honestly from experiences that I've had. I am not out to destroy anyone's world. I am here to encourage you to take stock of your own and make sure that you really are where you should be.
"When you were in the hospital, were those rails left on your floor perhaps from a previous patient?"- No. They were brought in the room for me, I was told I needed them on my bed to keep me from falling, and they were never put on the bed. Update: that awful nurse no longer works at that hospital.
Last week I met with a woman who had recently joined the church with her family. She had read what I wrote about my mom and had questions for me about why I left. I did not discourage her from attending, but I answered her questions honestly from experiences that I've had. I am not out to destroy anyone's world. I am here to encourage you to take stock of your own and make sure that you really are where you should be.
"When you were in the hospital, were those rails left on your floor perhaps from a previous patient?"- No. They were brought in the room for me, I was told I needed them on my bed to keep me from falling, and they were never put on the bed. Update: that awful nurse no longer works at that hospital.
"Why must you talk about vaginas so much?"- Because I think they are underrated and they all deserve to be happy and treated nicely. Half the world has them, most find them inconvenient. Why not find any product out there that can make your day with a vagina better?!? If I can help you in that process, I'm going to!
"Why do you think it's ok to put so much of your personal life on the internet?"- Because it is ok. I am careful not to put anything that is untrue. I am careful with my choice of words, and each post takes me several hours. I have had many, many of my old homeschooled friends contact me and say they are so happy I have not been afraid to talk about all of this openly, because they thought they were the only ones who went through these things. I'm not perfect at all. I don't have my life together or have all the answers. But I am happy. I know that I left a life behind and I would never go back. I have helped my friends break out as well, and they have gone through many of the same struggles as I have. I have a very supportive, encouraging family (for the most part), and the ones who don't support me don't need to. I will continue to be me.
If I can clear up anything for you, or you would like to chat, my email is daheaddas88@gmail.com
"Why do you think it's ok to put so much of your personal life on the internet?"- Because it is ok. I am careful not to put anything that is untrue. I am careful with my choice of words, and each post takes me several hours. I have had many, many of my old homeschooled friends contact me and say they are so happy I have not been afraid to talk about all of this openly, because they thought they were the only ones who went through these things. I'm not perfect at all. I don't have my life together or have all the answers. But I am happy. I know that I left a life behind and I would never go back. I have helped my friends break out as well, and they have gone through many of the same struggles as I have. I have a very supportive, encouraging family (for the most part), and the ones who don't support me don't need to. I will continue to be me.
If I can clear up anything for you, or you would like to chat, my email is daheaddas88@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment