Growing up in church and in the homeschool group, The Advanced Training Institute (ATI), we had a lot of speakers who would come in and preach or speak to us about the horrible path they were on that brought them to church (men preach, women speak, but only to other women or children. Heaven forbid a woman teach a man anything. If a woman knows something a man does not, God obviously did not intend for him to know it). They had been involved in drugs, alcohol, gangs, prostitution, or had been to prison. Of course, there were also the ones who had been saved from such things as rock music, short skits, and premarital sex.
They always had such grand stories (testimonies) about how God saved them from this terrible world they were in and how grateful they were to be saved from their wicked path to destruction.
The adults would tell us how blessed we were that we never were exposed to such sinful ways as these people had been. Of course I was very happy and proud of these people for having the strength to turn their lives around, but there was always a bit of jealousy and conflict that went along with these messages. They could get up and give their testimony of all they had seen and done and the trials they endured before eventually finding salvation. All we would say was something like "I was saved when I was 4. Then one time I told my mom I practiced my violin for 20 minutes, but I only practiced for 15. Then lying became too much for me to bear on my own, so I confessed my sin to my parents and I was forgiven."
They always had such grand stories (testimonies) about how God saved them from this terrible world they were in and how grateful they were to be saved from their wicked path to destruction.
The adults would tell us how blessed we were that we never were exposed to such sinful ways as these people had been. Of course I was very happy and proud of these people for having the strength to turn their lives around, but there was always a bit of jealousy and conflict that went along with these messages. They could get up and give their testimony of all they had seen and done and the trials they endured before eventually finding salvation. All we would say was something like "I was saved when I was 4. Then one time I told my mom I practiced my violin for 20 minutes, but I only practiced for 15. Then lying became too much for me to bear on my own, so I confessed my sin to my parents and I was forgiven."
Instead of learning to love everyone, we learned to be judgmental and quite stuck up.
One of my girl friends asked me last week "Remember when we used to have to clean the make up stains off the school bathroom counters before we ran a seminar and then had to take time to pray for the sluts?"
That was something that happened all the time. If we saw a teenage couple kissing, or someone enjoying rock music, or smoking, etc. we were made to stop and pray for those "sinners" to turn from their ways and be more like us. We were to be good examples at all times. If we did something wrong, it could ruin our perfect testimony and cause someone not as strong as we were to fall into temptation, which is rude. It was strange to think that if I listened to Billy Joel, I could be responsible for an armed robbery!
One of my girl friends asked me last week "Remember when we used to have to clean the make up stains off the school bathroom counters before we ran a seminar and then had to take time to pray for the sluts?"
That was something that happened all the time. If we saw a teenage couple kissing, or someone enjoying rock music, or smoking, etc. we were made to stop and pray for those "sinners" to turn from their ways and be more like us. We were to be good examples at all times. If we did something wrong, it could ruin our perfect testimony and cause someone not as strong as we were to fall into temptation, which is rude. It was strange to think that if I listened to Billy Joel, I could be responsible for an armed robbery!
If we knew of someone who had once been the ideal Christian but had been spotted at the movie theater or some other vile form of mass sinning, they were called a "backslider". Mostly under your breath (Back-biting was a sin that we committed often). The backsliders probably got a carbonated beverage when they were at the sin palace seeing a Disney movie containing things such as magic, and disobedient children. Next thing you know, they will be wearing open toe shoes and causing boys who wear their hats backwards to lust after them.
We all had to have a "life verse". All these awful sinners had cool life verses like Psalm 40:2 " He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings."
We all had to have a "life verse". All these awful sinners had cool life verses like Psalm 40:2 " He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings."
They could relate to the prodigal son. We were stuck with life verses such as Psalm 37:23
"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way." When I went away to ATI's "college" we all had to memorize Psalm 37, and we were constantly reassured that we were better than all these "worldly" people.
If I brought up Matthew 7:1 "Judge not, that ye be not judged."
Or John 13:34 "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." I was told I was taking it out of context and that I was not to befriend these people who would lead me down a sinful path, but that I would love them by praying for them and not allowing them to influence me.
My grandmother shared in my dilemma. She hated to hear the story of the prodigal son because his wonderful brother was the good kid, he stayed home and worked for his father and always did the right thing, but the backslider son went off and did whatever he wanted and still got just as much as the good son. I'm always reminded of this when I watch Christmas Vacation and Ruby Sue says "Sometimes I think all that Santa crap is just bull. If he was so real, how come we didn't get squat last year? We didn't do nothing wrong, and we still got the shaft."
In our eyes, the only way to spice up our testimony was to start being like the bad kids. My friends and I bought a few Beatles CDs, learned the songs, then broke the CDs and brought them to church so we could lay them on the altar and be returned from our ways and once again be used by God. I don't think it works as well if you do it on purpose. Nobody fell for it and all we did was get yelled at more because we knew better. The plan to keep us perfect young people had failed after making such a fuss over the wonderful transformation that happened in the "bad kids" lives and making us a giant disappointment if we strayed. I have found that no matter how much you shelter or protect your kids, they are going to get in to some kind of trouble. It's part of growing up. I've met public schooled 25 year old virgins, and pastor's kids who are cutters.
As I grew up I realized that no one likes you for being a stuck up, self-righteous little snob, and praying for someone but not talking to them or being a part of their lives is not a way to love them. Now that I am out of that cult I have adopted some of the "ways of the world", and I don't feel that I am a terrible person for it. Some of my old friends who are still deeply rooted in that world I left behind are not allowed to talk to me, per their husbands. Most of my friends have either broken out on their own, or are working on it. We wear pants. We go to the movies. We listen to the music that plays in the grocery store. We still try not to murder people or deal drugs, but that is just good manners.
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