The Virtuous Woman

I came from a world where women working outside the home was very frowned upon. The man was to be the provider for the family, and the woman was to keep the house and children clean and quiet, cooking meals, and basically making a sanctuary for the man after his long day of work. All women should strive to be like the Proverbs 31 woman, and it was required that all girls in ATI memorize Prov. 31:10-31 (which I can still recite) and be just like her. 

"10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth theLord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."

When I was small, my mother ran a wedding video business with my grandfather. She was able to film the weddings on the weekends, and be home with me the rest of the time while she was editing them and adding music. I "helped" with that for years. She did that until I was about 9 or 10. She also taught (and still teaches) pottery classes. Over the years growing up we had several "home industries", including a craft business making "Hairbow dolls", boo-boo bunnies, and tissue box covers. We also took in several sewing jobs for a company who sold "modest active wear" for women and girls. These were possibly some of the ugliest clothes I had ever seen and our living room had at least 3 sewing machines going at all times. There have also been sewing classes at my house and there is a pottery wheel in my mother's kitchen so she can throw pots at home and sell them. My father does not believe that women should work outside of the home, and does not "allow" my mother to get an outside job.

When I was 16 I started working in distribution/patient transport at the local hospital. I was unmarried, so I was allowed to work because I didn't have a husband who should be providing for me, and if I wanted a car and such, I had to pay for it. I 100% agree that I should have been made to buy my own car and pay for gas, insurance and things I wanted. If a woman IS going to work outside the home, there are limited options at Bible college in which women can major. They offered several majors, but not all are open to women. Teacher, nurse, secretary, nanny, or marriage and motherhood. Yes, that is an actual major at the college my best friend and I were about to attend. We both backed out a few months before going and got "worldly jobs" at a hospital and an ambulance company. Our pastor told me that we were not following God's will and that I should not become a paramedic, mostly because I would need to wear pants to work. 

When I was 22 I got engaged. I was working about 60-70 hours a week. My father asked my fiancé how he would respond "if Heather ever decided to make the right choice and quit her job and stay home with the children".  My father also asked him if he would allow me to work outside the home after we were married. He told my father that he would support me if I did choose to stay home with kids, but that he was not the one to say what I was or was not allowed to do. My father was not happy with this. 

I worked VERY hard to get where I am in my career. I am still looking to further myself, but I love being a paramedic. I am constantly seeking knowledge and I desire to learn why things work the way they do, and why I believe what I believe. How can I "open my mouth with wisdom" if I blindly follow anything I am told?

I don't see why we were taught that a woman who works and has children at home is not the ideal woman. The Prov. 31 woman has a job! She works her butt off! She goes outside her home and sells things. She buys property. It also appears that she has help (maidens) who perhaps attend to the children while she is working and pulling her fair share of the weight. 

So many families I have met are struggling with finances because "God told them" that the woman should stay home and raise the children. I have nothing but respect for stay at home moms. However, if you cannot provide for those kids, you staying at home does them no good. Being cuddled doesn't fill their bellies. God isn't going to bless you if you think you are following His will by taking on your role as a woman, when that role includes waiting for others to take care of you. Granted I don't agree with my mother not being allowed to work outside, but she still was able to find ways to make extra money to feed us, pay the rent, and she can fix anything. 

When my sister had her high school graduation party, several people from my parents' church attended. My sister was given gifts such as books about how to be a good wife and homemaker, and how to find a good husband. My mother had me talk to one of the women from church who was considering homeschooling her daughters, who were not yet school age. I told her my feelings on homeschooling and that I felt that I was very poorly prepared for college and for a career. She responded "Well that doesn't matter. They are girls, we don't have to be concerned with college or jobs for them. That is not what God designed them for".  I can't tell you how much this still infuriates me. 

I feel as if this Scripture about the virtuous woman is very often taken the wrong way and there is a lot of focus on the woman supporting her husband and caring for children. It does not say she was a baby factory, nor does it say that her husband makes her decisions for her. She seems pretty self sufficient to me!  

I am sure that if the people of ATI or that church talked to me today, I would not be considered the ideal, virtuous woman. I don't have a husband anymore. However, when I did, I did him no evil. He even admits that I am a damn nice ex-wife. 

I don't have children. I could have run a huge risk for my own health and made a very futile attempt to bring a severely disabled child into this world, but I did not. I can't raise a kid if I'm dead. But I want to have a zillion babies when the time is right. I love the children I babysit as if they were my own. I work 4 jobs and support myself. I volunteer and help the sick and injured. I sew and weave and (try to) cook. I just completed a spartan race which sure as hell required strong loins and arms! I don't care about beauty nor what is in style. I am happy with who I have become, and the choices I have made.

 I may not be what they consider to be the ideal woman in that world, but I'm never going back, the past is in the past! 

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